Church Upskirts Review

Score: 76.00

Advertising itself as a sacrilegious site dedicated to showing upskirt shots in the houses dedicated to JC's dad, Church Upskirts (churchupskirts.com) shows some promising potential. I mean, who doesn't think about getting it on in one of those hard wooden pews? Anyone? Alright, just me then I guess.

At any rate, those who are hoping to sin must first jump through hoops that might make them reconsider the transgressions they are about to commit. For example, once the surfer enters the pay section of the site, ads for Lightspeed.com's branded DVDs and for outside websites make the initial greeting. The next page leads with news and updates for all of Lightspeed.com's sites. The updates feature the two most recent and popular downloads of — again — all of Lightspeed.com's URLs.

But even that's just a filthy rest stop on the road to perdition. Once the site of the content is found, it's arranged in a text-heavy menu of still and video content. Updates are done weekly. Still galleries are available as zip files. Videos are available as Windows Media Video, MPEG, Quicktime, iPod/PSP MP4 and mobile 3G formats. The Windows Media files are available as scenes or full files and the MPEG movies are available as scenes only. All other formats are available as whole movies only. There's also external links for live chat, DVD retailers, toys retailers and outside websites.

After all that, though, the content is confusing and sometimes just has nothing to do with upskirt shots taken in a church. There's content that looks like it could have been taken in a church, but there's also stills of what looks like upskirts taken in malls, locker rooms and even of models changing clothes. On the video side, there's footage of a dance party and a pair of Lightspeed.com models stripping. So much for going to hell in a handbasket.

With navigation that requires the patience of a saint, all in hopes of adult entertainment that would get a glance from the Lucifer himself, Church Upskirts doesn't pan out.